A Baby Step in the Right Direction

Oct 27, 2018Stories, Video


All big change starts with those little tiny steps and that little confidence builder and the ability and belief that you can do it.

Hello, hello, happy Saturday. It's Monica and I am really excited because I've been sharing my stories and it's not really been the easiest thing. It's always interesting, I don't know, it's just a struggle for me. This is not something I'm naturally comfortable with. So I really appreciate you listening and I'm going in this journey with me because I do firmly, firmly believe that the less comfortable you get for a little bit, the more likely you are to get what you want. So I have some big dreams and some big goals and some big plans to help a lot of people and I can't help those people if they don't know who I am.

So today, first of all, it's nap time, so here a stack in the background. That's actually my baby monitor. I'm listening for the little as he naps, but he should be good. He normally sleeps for a nice solid hour and a half at least, and we're just in the start of that. So all right, I was thinking about the story I told a few days ago and all these things and how I really started to form a lot of my beliefs and stuff in college. And there's one story that keeps sticking in my head to share and it's this time, I told you about how I had to rewrite the paper from the professor because he was like, “Well, this is a complete lie.” And the question was, ‘Why are you in college?' And I was like, ‘To do good, I don't know, to get a job.' I don't even remember what I wrote, but he was like, “This is crap.” Send it back. And so I made a ‘D'. I'd never made a ‘D'. “A ‘D' really?” That was a big deal for this a straight A people pleaser. He gave it back to me and I thought, I never got asked if I was going to college. I always get asked where I was going to college. And it's interesting because when other people ask you questions when you have to answer, it gives you a chance to figure out sort of your things. And I've also figured out too that during interviews or, I don't know if it's the pressure of an interview or just the fact that you're on the spot and people are grilling you, kind of, but I feel like that's when some of my truths come out. So I'm going to share another story with you today about that.

When I was in college, I was in a sorority that I love so much- Alpha Chi Omega and so many of my great friends are from there. And I served on the overarching council called ‘Panhellenic' and it was just a board that helped with policies and just basically making sure everybody had a good sorority experience. It was a lot of fun. I loved it. I think I was the communications person, I forgot which title I had at that point. There's another girl on the council with me from another house and she houses another sorority and she and I were really good friends, like such good friends and I just loved her and she was just this amazing person. And, I don't remember what happened, but we got in a huge fight, like huge, like a friendship-ending fight and it was really hard for me because here's this person that I completely, totally loved then something happened.

And I don't remember if it was me or her, honestly. I really don't. I think if you asked her, it was me and if you asked me it was her at the time, but it's been 20 something years, so I don't remember anymore. I just remember thinking, how could I have been so wrong about this person? How wrong was my judgment, right? I'm really struggling with this. And I had already known, sort of, where she thought about some things and I found out she was going to run for president of ‘Panhellenic' and I was like, “Well no, that's not okay with me.” I don't want this girl that I now all of a sudden really don't like to be the overarching person. No, just no. So I'll run for president and I'll put together this amazing plan and I will crush this interview and I will beat her, right? And, that I could do some things. And it was really fun because during the time I had to think bigger than me and things like that, which was a ton of fun and I really good time with that. It came the time for the interviews and there's this panel, right? So I walk into the room and it's one of those where there's this big long desk and at the end is like eight people. And, I'm down here, just me, just little old me with this panel of eight people that are totally judging me because that's what they're there to do, right? I'm not mad about that. I'm just stating the truth. And so they're talking and they're asking me all these questions and I'm like, “I have a plan, I am ready you guys, I am a pretty good interviewer.- Interviewee, I guess.”

I can read the room. I can see where I'm going right and where I'm going wrong. And so they're asking and I know I'm nailing it. I'm just crushing it. They're like, “What's your plan about this?” And I was like, “Well here's what I think.” and all this stuff and I can tell. So at the end, they threw me a missile bomb question, “Monica, would you be willing to have another position on the panel if this other girl that you now hate becomes the president because she was running?” And I sat there for a second, stunned by this question because I didn't see this one coming. So, one of the reasons that I'm really good about interviewing is that I tried to think of all the questions that they're going to ask me before I get in that room.

I think of every possible scenario so that I can nail this interview. And so this one wasn't on my radar so I was not prepared- just not like me and especially back then. Now I'm a little more loose, but I was not prepared for this question. I'm pretty sure they can all see that on my face. And I thought to myself, I should say yes because that's a nice way. I should say yes, but the voice in my head was, “Don't do it! No, you would not be okay with that, you would not.” So I sat there for a second, probably a little too long and I said, “No, I would not be okay with that. I don't agree with the plans that she has and I think that it is a terrible choice. And so no, I would not be okay with that.”

So basically I just told them all that they were making a terrible choice if they had this other girl do this and instantly, I knew it, it was over, I was not getting this position. I get to tell by the look on their faces. And then, a few days later I was talking to that… I got the phone call, “No, you didn't get it.” But neither did the other girl, somebody else, totally different got it and ended up being an amazing person for that position. But one of my friends that was one of those eight people grilling me, call me and she's like, “You had it until the last question.” I was like, “I know, I know, but I had to be true to who I am.”

And this is one of the first times that I actually did that. That I actually stopped and listen to that voice. It was like, “Yeah, I'm gonna actually think about something before I say it, and strategically what I think. I think I also mentioned that I was always in trouble a lot for just talking out of turn and just saying things that I probably shouldn't have or talking back. I talked back a lot and in my opinion, not in a bad way, oh, well, I mean I guess it was a bad way, but like when people don't make sense to me. Anyway, this is a story for another time, but something I've been doing for…ever. I'm like, I just don't understand something, and I'm like, “No, that doesn't make sense.”

This was the time when I knew that the right answer would get me what I wanted, but I chose my truth and it was one of the first times I'd ever done that. I didn't really end up getting what I wanted and I'm okay with that now. It was really sad then and kind of bummed. I was really happy that the other girl didn't get it though. So really my beginning goal of like not having her be the president succeeded because she didn't become the president either. Since then we've sort of kind of meet up, we're friendly now, but that friendship just got broken and as I said, I don't even remember what for which is kind of silly now that we're so much older, but now you know, we're in different places physically and mentally.

But I hope, I mean, I really do wish her the best. She was a really good friend for a time and anyway, so now I'm just rambling and I'm gonna stop, but I would actually love to hear a time when you had a similar experience where, you were like, “Oh, I know I should say this, but I'm going to say this because this is what I know to be true.” And I would love to hear how that went for you. Like for me, I didn't get the goal of becoming the ‘Panhellenic' president, but I did succeed in my ultimate goal of having her not be the president. And also just that transformation of just a little, little step, the baby step into learning how to speak my truth. So I'd love to hear your baby steps because all big change starts with those little tiny steps and that little confidence builder and the ability and belief that you can do it.

So I want to know when yours started and it might take you a minute to think about it because it took me a minute to think about it. I was like, “When did I really start doing this?” And I realized that this was one of the bigger ones that I had done, so I hope that helps. I love to hear your stories, so if it's a private story, send me a private message, but if it's something that you think other people would benefit from, leave it in the comments and I'm looking forward to it. Hope you have a great Saturday and a great weekend and I'll see you tomorrow.